MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Goodbye, Nineteen.

Goodbye, nineteen.

I will miss you greatly.

A year of great sorrow.

A year of great hardships.

A year of great anger.

A year of great sadness.

...Feelings and emotions so dark and great and overwhelming I cannot describe.

A year in which I found it so hard to breathe...

I almost stopped completely.

The hardest year of my life so far. And I'm not even twenty yet.

But... this was the year,

The year, I felt alive.

RULES

Ok, so with Helen being an overworked arse, I'm gonna give her no excuse not to do the darkness challenge! So here it is, I'll give y'all till the 2nd December to send me your videos. Helen, it would not be a video with out you!! So please guys, it would be so awesome if everyone took part, I mean, imagine! what an immense video it will be! Oh, and I will actually give a prize worth between £5 and £10 (but totally awesome!) to the person who can get their parents to do it too :P haha good luck!! xxx

Flour and Fings

Sorry it's a bit late, we didn't have any internet at all for the whole morning! Enjoy loyal Freddie Sunday goers :)

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

I thought I'd let you all know that I'm 20 in a month ><

Dream Away

Ever get a dream so good you don't want it to end?

Yet what seems like two minutes later, you've woken up and you can't get back to sleep to carry it on. Sigh.

That was me last night.

I had such a beautiful, warming, lovely dream, and I just didn't want it to end.

I guess I can hold onto it though, and when I'm sliding downhill I can think of it and remember and smile and feel a bit lighter.

It's always nice to have that happy place you can visit every so often, even if it's a bit every day.

I loved that dream, and hope I dream the same again tonight whilst floating in the clouds... <3

Here We Go Again...

Freddie won her first game of Poker today!!! Against three males!! HA!

13

So it's Friday the 13th!

ooooooooooo!!

make sure you keep your eye out for those 7 years worths of bad luckage! Don't go stepping on a black cats tail or breaking your mothers mirror... watch out for the headless hunt man, who's looking for a nice head to replace his own...

dun dun dunnnnn!!!!!

ooooooooooo!!

What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor?

Yay! The past two days I've worked on a what's turned out to be an awesome piece of course work! We had to take a traditional folk song and base a composition on that. So i chose Bonny Bobby Shafto Went To Sea and What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor, and ended up with a very piratey theme film music grandure-esq type piece of mayhem. And with my new software the orchestra and choirs sound reeeaaalll :D yay! 700 quid was definitely not a waste of money for my very own pocket symphony orchestra and choirs! XD

One of the elements of this piece of course work is that you have to perform a piece live. I'm gonna go dressed to my performance as Captain Jack Sparrow and sing and get the whole class to join in hehe :D

Well, hope all is dandy where you lot are x

Return of the Fred-eye

Just a short one cuz im not very well lol, but yep, it's back ;)

Waiting on the World

Me and all my friends

We're all misunderstood

They say we stand for nothing and

There's no way we ever could

Now we see everything that's going wrong

With the world and those who lead it

We just feel like we don't have the means

To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting

Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting

Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system

When we're standing at a distance

So we keep waiting

Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power

To bring our neighbors home from war

They would have never missed a Christmas

No more ribbons on their door

And when you trust your television

What you get is what you got

Cause when they own the information, oh

They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting

Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting

Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,

We just know that the fight ain't fair

So we keep on waiting

Waiting on the world to change

And we're still waiting

Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting

Waiting on the world to change

One day our generation

Is gonna rule the population

So we keep on waiting

Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting

Waiting on the world to change

I'm so unhappy.

fanny flange biscuit explosion. Yum.

LoveLoveLove

Long Time No Sea.

Actually, there has been sea.

The other day, it was such a nice day and I had nothing to do, so I went in the sea for a swim.  I treaded along the coast not being able to find a parking space until I finally got to Gorey, where I luckily fitted my ikle enterprise into a squished gap lol.  I put my bag really high up, then walked into the sea only to turn around and find my bag floating away!  Man the tide comes up quick.

I ran out and put it the highest I could and traipsed back down to the warm water, where I floated on my back, staring at the cloudless sky for what seemed like a life time.  The sound of the sea in my ears, the breath of fresh air, the smell of salt all around me.  It was nice to be alone with the water for a while, even though the beach was packed.

***

Today I met up with Alex.  It was nice (and so cool) to spend time just me and her, laughing about nothing of particular consequence and giggling in american accents. as I sipped my white hot chocolate.   

***

I spent some time in a field today.  Lying down, looking at the clouds pass by and think how lucky I am, and so many other thoughts swirling, that were previously round my head.  It was a perfect moment.  Warmth, beauty... wow.

***

I thought I might also mention that I've been reading a very funny book that I previously mentioned in a blog at some point in history.  Makes me piss myself, quite literally, then tells me how to clean it up.  LOL. Sitting outside enjoying the sun and relaxing has been good news to my body.  I should do it more often me thinks.  Going on walks and picking fresh fruit off the trees while the sun shines down has felt so good :)

***

 I've been totally addicted to the series of The Tudors lately.  I've watched the first two series on borrowed DVD.  The history is really interesting, and the love and hate I feel for the King and all the other characters is great!  I find myself bowing and curtseying to people, and using the polite and royal lingo in my head.  I've also been feeling very religious out of it, and have a sudden urge to go to church... yes... I know. lol!  So Anne has just lost her head and Princess Mary has been made legitimate once more... I'm looking forward to the next series to be on BBC again soon :)

***

That's about it I think.  Oh, I'll mail you tomorrow, Marina. Snailmclovin :3  

Benjamin!

http://benhjsy.blogspot.com/

CHECK IT OUT!!

this is Ben's blog, he's currently traveling europe with a couple of friends and the blogs he's written are amazing! I can't believe where's he's been already and soon he'll be heading off to venice!!!  so cool!  if you want some awesome entertainment, check it out :)

Animal Rescue

me and mum saved an ikle baby hedgehog yesterday.  it was caught in some netting that was wrapped around its feet and neck, its tongue hanging out and eyes bulging.  the poor thing could barely breathe and we slowly and carefully cut it free.  He's now asleep in our garage and we'll let him go tonight.  he's so cute and loves his chin being tickled which is really sweet :)

What makes me laugh is that the animal shelter wont let us have a cat from there because apparently we'd be nasty owner because we don't let them sleep upstairs.  Stu-pid-o.

Stars

So many stars,

Fill the sky for you

I'll send a shooting star for you.

Look to the sky tonight,

And everything will be alright,

Look to stars and see, 

What it means to be really free.

So many stars,

Looking down on you,

I'll send a million stars for you,

I'll send a shooting star... 

for you.

Juno

"Look, in my opinion, the best thing for you to do is find a person who loves you, for exactly what you are.  Good mood, bad mood.  Ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you... The right person is still gonna think the sun shines out your ass.  That's the kinda person worth sticking with."

Ice Dance

I've just come home from watching Ice skaters from dancing on ice, sling themselves across the rink... it was totally mind blowing... one woman did the skating glow in the dark strip tease... oh yes.  and another skated whilst throwing fire around herself.  Wow. 

and I may as well mention old Justin from hollyoaks was there too. lol.  

Aaaaaannnnddd next week I might get the chance to have lessons from the professionals and celebs themselves!  I really hope i get a place, will be a once in a life time!  woop :)

One Day.

Someday I'll wish upon a star,

Wake up where the clouds are far behind, me.

Where trouble melts like lemon drops

High above the chimney tops,

That's where you'll find me.

S I G H .

Anyone Fancy A Pint O' Guinness?

The music techy group at Sinéad's Irish 18th :)

The worst drive home of my life.

Deep Peace.

Deep peace of the running wave to you
Deep peace of the flowing air to you
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the shinning stars to you
Deep peace of the gentle night to you
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you
Deep peace of Christ, of Christ
The light of the world to you
Deep peace of Christ to you

The Time Traveler's Wife

A Story Of A Girl Who Waits Forever.

SIGH.

Urgh.  I've had a shittier day than Shitty McShitterson Shit-face that ended with a fat hand and a wet ass.

A tough morning with no smiles to be had.  

Left for home with a heavy heart and a heavy head. 

So tired.

Spirits lifted a little with some hard work, fighting the weight with an extra set of eyes.

Drop.

Start some work for nan. Not much help. Tired of waiting.

Frustration.

Some Hannah Montana to make me giggle, still feel so heavy.

Gotta pick up plants, slip on some stupid moss and break my fall by grabbing the spikiest plant around, but still landed on my arse in a massive puddle and now I have a swolen hand with hundreds of tiny puncher marks.

Maaann, listen to me moan :(  

Lacking laughs today.

Can't wait for Harry Potter though. *girlie scream!*

Pink

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,

blue skies from pain.

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? 

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,

Running over the same old ground. 

What have you found? The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

And You Took My Breath Away...

Stuff and Shit.

New Look.

When Freddie Gets Bored.

Swings and Round-a-bouts

Sometimes I look back and see how far I've come from even a couple of months ago.  Although I know I still have a long long way to go, part of me looks back in amazement.  New hair, brighter make up, braver fashion, new confidence in saying simple things like "no" and making up my own decisions is like a mile stone for me.  "no" has always been such a hard word for me.  Simple as it is.  And now my left wrist is complete with a Biscuity tattoo, that makes me happy and smile.  With what seems like new eyes sometimes, I look around me and see the greatest friends a girl could possibly get.. all the help I've had from the small things like "love you more" or "hello Buttonz :)" have helped me in so many ways I couldn't even begin to describe.  

So I wonder, if I was to get the "old" me, and show that me the me that I am now, I don't think I would have believed what my eyes were telling me.  I wonder what's to come... wanna come play? :)

Good Riddance.

A whole night of nightmares and bad dreams, continuous wake ups in cold sweats and shakes.

But at least I woke up in the morning to find there's one less of them in the world.

 

Sunset, Giggles and a Gloworm

Shivers

Will You Still Love Me, In The Morning?

Did you know that today is supposed to be the happiest day of the year?

My head is filled with so many thoughts that don't even make sense to me.  Kinda like a pot ready for lucky dip, with half and quarter words on tiny bits of paper that you have to tie together.  It's not a bad thing.  It happens every so often that so many ideas and thoughts and fragments of music fill my mind that my head seems to go into overload and shouts STOP!  *breathy sigh* :)

I've been watching some more pushing daisies.  The best program on TV that really struck a chord with me.  A bit like the film Juno.  Don't know why they work so well with my brain, they just do.

One song has been circling my head ever since Marina put it on to play the moment she stepped back into her rightful place in the front seat of the enterprise.  Here are the lyrics the I hum to myself as I close my eyes to sleep, with a sleepy smile on my freckled face.

Something inside the cards

I know is right

Dont want to live

Somebody elses life

This is what I want to be

And this is what I give to you

Because I get it free

She smiles while I do my time

I could die for you

Oh this life I choose

Im here to be your only go-between

To tell you of the sights

These eyes have seen

What I really want to do is

Turn it into motion

Beauty that I cant abuse

You know that Id use my senses to

You can see that

Its only everywhere

Id take it all and then

Id find a way to share

Come along and go

Along with me

Wander with me yo

Its all for free

I could die for you

What you wanna do

Oh this life I choose

Come again and tell me

Where you want to go

What it means for me

To be with you alone

Close the door and

No one has to know

How we are

Come along and go

Along with me

Wander with me yo

Its all for free

I could die for you

What you want to do

Oh this life I choose

Mr. Blu-Bell :)

You.

Sorry guys, no video today, my internet has been gay all week and running sllooooowww.  I'll get it up (the video that is) asap :)  peace out suckers!! xx

Alive

What a great day

Started off in the studio, adding things to a rock track and chatting.  I then had to rush home to pick up my cousins who are staying over at my house tonight.  I took the two boys, Jack and Ryan plus my other cousins Sam and Luc to Gorey for a twirly whirly ice cream, the best in Jersey.  We walked on the beach for a while, until we found a small park with swings and a climbing frame.  

I felt so alive as I swung up high, staring at the sky, with the sound of the sea and my little cousins laughter.   The sky was bright, the air was clear, and it started to rain. 

 I felt like I was in some peaceful scene in a movie.  You know the shot i mean.  Perfect.  

As the rain came down harder, we left the playground as it was on sand, to go to the green fields on the oposite side of the road.  As it poured down and soaked us through, we ran around like loons playing it, sliding around in the mud and seeing who could get the best mowhawk from our soaking wet hair.  It was so great.  The fact that they wanted to stay out and asked if we could do it again  soon made me feel so great and alive.  Made me realise how much fun being with my little cousins is, all full of wonder and energy and laughter, giggling at the smallest things.  I really thought, why should any one ever have to grow up, when being silly and free like a kid is one of the best feelings in the world?

I then met up with Marina, we went to the bean, first time in a long time, and just caught up on things and laughed and laughed as we sipped our drinks and she made those weird girgling noises only Marina can make lol. It's so great to have her in the front seat of my car again, listening to loud music and laughing as we drive along with the windows fully open and hands sticking out to catch the wind and sky.

Seeing the sun set and silhouette in my wing mirror was the best feeling.. so happy and warm inside, i wanted to take a picture, though it's crystal clear in my mind.  the sky was so pretty.  The moon so big and bright.  

Took my breath away.

Cold Water, a chat with God

Cold, cold water surrounds me now

And all I've got is your hand

Lord, can you hear me now?

Lord, can you hear me now?

Lord, can you hear me now,

Or am I lost?

No one's daughter allow me that

And I can't let go of your hand

Lord, can you hear me now?

Lord, can you hear me now?

Lord, can you hear me now?

or am I lost?

oooo, I love you

Don’t you know I love you

And I always have

Hallelujah

Will you come with me?

Cold, cold water surrounds me now 

cold cold water surrounds me now 

And all I've got is your hand

Lord, can you hear me?

Lord, can you hear me now?

Lord, can you hear me?

Ahh...

Am I lost with you?

Am I lost with you?

Am I lost with you?

yaaaaaaaaaay!!  MARINA!! :3

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

A night to hold on to forever

Har-di-har.

What do you call a Frenchman in Sandals?

Phillipe Philoppe.

Ba doom doom chhhh

Lady Luc.

argh!

here we go again, this time in reverse order it would seem.

What Day Is It?

Things have been moving so quickly over here I totally forgot to upload my video on Sunday as I've completely lost track of the days... i've got it made but it seems out of date now... 

I'm trying my best to make a Mr. Blu, but its a tough job when you're making it by yourself lol, but we'll see, he'll make a return in the next couple of weeks fo sho :)

It's been lovely and sunny over here the past couple days.  Today I took my lil cousins out for an ice cream and walks round St. Catherine's and Gorey, which was great :)   Been spending loads of time in the studio too which has been such great fun, and hopefully the trio of Leigh, Paul and I will have some good and hopefully great news some time soon with the killer track we've been writing :)  

Hope you're all doing well with exams and not shrinking away in too much revision!  (HA! shouts Freddie :P love you all really and best of luck!)

Keep smilin' xxx

Because...

Remember that tank top you bought me. 
You wrote 'You're Gorgeous' on it. 
You took me to your rented motor car and filmed me on the bonnet. 
You got me to hitch my knees up and pulled my legs apart. 
You took an instamatic camera and and pulled my sleeves around my heart. 

Because you're gorgeous I'd do anything for you. 
Because you're gorgeous I know you'll get me through. 
Because you're gorgeous I'd do anything for you. 
Because you're gorgeous I know you'll get me through. 

You said my clothes were sexy, you tore away my shirt. 
You rubbed an ice-cube on my chest snapped me 'til it hurt. 

Because you're gorgeous I'd do anything for you. 
Because you're gorgeous I know you'll get me through. 
Because you're gorgeous I'd do anything for you. 
Because you're gorgeous I know you'll get me through. 

You said I wasn't cheap. You paid me twenty pounds. 
You promised to put me in a magazine on every table in every lounge. 

Because you're gorgeous I'd do anything for you. 
Because you're gorgeous I know you'll get me through. 
Because you're gorgeous I'd do anything for you. 
Because you're gorgeous our love will see us through. 
Because you're gorgeous I know you'll get me through. 

I know you'll get me through.

Hello, Summer :)

Here's to BBQs and skinny dipping,

Swimming in the sea,

Getting fat on ice creams

Smilin', feelin' free.

Here's to beautiful music,

fun on lazy days,

crazy marmite parties,

Walks through summer haze.

Here's to smiling broadly,

Feeling so alive,

Rides on bikes and surfing,

This summer, we shall thrive :)

Taste the rainbow.

Following the meme, a song made out of songs.  The opening lines to itunes random :)

Hello, hello, I like your smile

Do you hear me, talkin' to you?

Your voice is adrift

In the still of the night.

Raindrops and rainbows

I caught sight of my reflection

It feels right, it feels wrong

Don't look back into the sun.

Wind me up, put me down

The world is full of fools

Round, round, baby

You're the world to me.

I heard this old story before

I've got my memories

Questions so many questions

Sleep tonight, everything will be alright.

Tick tock like a clock

Maybe it's up with the stars

Something inside the cards I know is right

Your sweet hands are cold.

Meet Mr. and Mrs. BJ Carrot... :)

For those of you who think I just pulled this off the internet, I didn't, we actually found these whilst peeling carrots for dinner :P tee hee

Sunday Once More...

Me.Ow.

Marina, Be Proud :3

Today I saved a baby snail from the perils of the sudden crush death it was due, as snails are not allowed to live in the garden centre as they eat all the plants lol... so yes, this is Gary, my baby snail who is mighty curious :)  He now lives on my window sill, and is currently asleep between the granite :)  

woop!!

Wasn't me it was YOU!!! :D

Ahh, amazing memories of me and Helen dancing wildly and not giving a shit at Jersey live, bestg times, best times xx

BOOOOOOOBS

so thats the end of the Freddie Week of Mightiness!

but! goooodd neeewws!  As you may have noticed, youtube swooped in to save the day and Freddie Sunday's will be on their way ;)

On a completely random note, I've noticed that my boobs have recently started to get bigger lol -  I especially notice this when carelessly running down the stairs in the morning with no bra on and finding myself having to grab them in sheer shock and pain to stop them bouncing uncontrollably hahaha!  

It's probably a good thing too, I could do with a new load of bras, and for once, matching underwear would be nice.  lol  Odd socks are cool and all but odd underwear looks a bit silly in my opinion... I guess its not too bad if its a white bra wih multicoloured pants lol.  But there we are.  What a loser I am, I've just had a girlie chat with myself... anyone care to join in?  LOL xxx

(and NO they're not mine in the picture :P  )

Freddie Sunday :)

Just in time :P

Freddie Satsersay :)

Fre-fre-fre-fre-freddie frdaaaayyy....

Freddie Fursday

tee hee hee and a bottle of rum :)

FULL SCREEN if you're brave...

opening music by Lydia :)

Fweddie Weddie Wednesday :3

Button-butt-heeaaad...

Freddiiiee Tuesday :)

I like this one :)  Enjooooooooooyy!!

FREDDIE MOOOOOONDAAAAAY!!!

Welcome to the Week of Fredmeisterness!!!!  A whole week of Freddie Sundays, except not, seeing as sunday only comes once a week... lol  enjoooyyy!!!!!! xx

THE RETUUURRRRNNNNN!!!!

Love-ly

It was Tori who introduced me to this song, on our buttonz day out at christmas... and I've been addicted ever since...  My favourite line in this song tonight is "Scootch on over closer dear, and I will nibble your ear..."  This is the kinda song that shouts IT'S SUMMEERRRR!!!!  and makes you smile and sing and dance no matter what mood you were in before :)  have a listen and smile wide people!!!

Supposed To Be.

Maybe it's up with the stars
Maybe it's under the sea
Maybe it's not very far
Maybe this is how it's supposed to be
This is how it's supposed to be
Maybe it's trapped in a jar
Something we've already seen
Maybe it's nowhere at all
Maybe this is how it's supposed to be
This is how it's supposed to be
Looking forward as we rewind
Looking back is a trap sometimes
Being here is so easy to do
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to
If you want to...

You Make Me Smile

The Softest.

I haz Piccolo Trumpet!! LOL.

World, meet Charlie, Charlie, the World :)

Milk

Today is the day I skinny dipped for the first time in my life - and it was in broad daylight in the sea.  I felt very alive... but very very... numb... indeed from the sheer freezingness of it LOL

I heard this track on spotify for the first time last night, and I just had to buy the album.  This track lasts all of 45 seconds, but is yet another little piece of heaven from the one and only Elfman.  It blew me away, and I hope it blows you away too...  listen to it with head phones on and your eyes closed, and it sounds like you could truly be sitting cross legged in the middle of an orchestra...

The Kiss - Danny Elfman (Milk)

I Haz Clarinet!!! :D

World, meet Sebastian, Sebastian, the World. :)

Kiss The World With Fingers Crossed.

A whole new CD, and this one song turns out to be my favourite, because of that one line. Clever music :)

"Song For No One" - Ian Broudie

Composers Are Just So Damn Sexy!

Someone Else.

Here comes another one... this is one I hadn't listened to properly until yesterday when it came up on good old itunes random.  The piece fits the title so perfectly, another masterpiece from Newman.  So beautiful, and really worth a listen.  Please leave comments :)

Once A Pirate, Always A Pirate

I was just looking through some photos I've had on my mac for ages that I completely forgot about.  I found this one which made me laugh :)

Why does it have to be so damn complicated and confusing??

sigh.

Button-butt-head, that's her name

And you know she aint got no brain

My saxsh :)

World meet Timothy, Timothy, the world :)

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Evening

Thank you Claire bear for taking me out today, had much fun and laughed a lot :)

I did make a video to post this evening, but I tried uploading it 3 times and everytime it crashed at 99%... so screw it as they say.

Instead, I've been sitting in the dark for the last hour playing my saxophone along to some of my favourite film pieces, including the one shown a couple of posts ago...  I learnt the piano line and played along with it, and it has relaxed me after feeling very tense.  I love my saxophone, thank you a billion times for teaching me :)

Sleep

Last night I had a hefty amount of scarily vivid nightmares.  Not all of them my usual ones.

I also had a hefty amount of scarily vivid dreams, in which all my friends, as well as people I just know, and don't particularly like popped up.  Most of them odd.  Very odd.  The dreams that is.  I thought I'd talk about dreams as I had the pleasure of listening to one of the most beauiful, calming and relaxing pieces of music I've ever heard today.  All I could think was, wow.  It's like you can close your eyes, and just take yourself to a secret, quiet place that was made especially for you, and perhaps some others, where you can just relax and be free and at peace.. that's where the music takes you... it's beautiful.  I think I'm in for a great night's sleep. Thank you.

The Farm

I'm going to add blogs now and then, when a song, composition or tune pops up on my iTunes random and makes me stop what ever I am doing.  I'll post the songs up here, and ask you to have a listen, if you have time, and just want something different to listen to for once.  And maybe you could do the same?  Only takes copy and paste in youtube embedded :)

This is from a really sad but great film, touching and soft, with all the right kind of comedy, tragedy and tears you could want, well balanced through the film.  So much so that by the end of the film you just say, wow.  And there's a kind of breath-taken silence.  The music fits the mood perfectly, and gives me such a sense of inner feeling, that I burst into spectacular tears... perhaps it's not the best piece for me to be listening to right now.  But I love it.  I hope you do too.  Please leave comments :3