Heart in Herts.

So here I am!
The first thing that was said to us when me and my fellow students entered the first MCCT talk was "hello Composers!"

Wow. I'm a composer, and get called so every day.

I arrived and found it very hard to make friends and to fit in. Odd shoes, a figurine of an R1, Star Trek and orchestral music... I'm not your average joe girl, and people didnt seem to like that. I have settled in a bit more now, having spent the evening with my house mates last night, which was nice, and we all get on. But no one seems to be quite.. erm, wierd enough for me yet? I'm sure i'll meet the right group soon thought. Today was much better. We had a composition session today, where people from both courses got to stand up and show every one their compositions and talk about themselves and their music. Everyone was so different and all at such a high standard of what i've heard so far. I was only one of two today who played an orchestral movement rather than other more pop styles today, but i've had loads of people come up to me and talk about it and tell me how much they liked / loved the composition! Which made me shake even more lol. Man, I was nervous. But it's over and I'm glad I had the gutts to get up and do it. I got asked lots of questions about it and stuff, like how we did it, how we recorded it, what the influences were (to which I might have mentioned a tutu) and things like that. that helped me to meet alot more people, pepole who i think I'm much more likely to get on with! There's only two girls on my particular course, including me!

Last night I looked up to the heavens at 10 pm, and was comforted to think that other people might be doing the same thing. I also heard the best and greatest song I've ever heard in my life last night. And I hung out my window in the cool breeze to see the plough shining through, the song blearing in my ears. No words can describe...

I miss my piano so much. I miss so many people so much, and at times I'm finding it so hard. I hope it keeps on getting better and better, and now I cant wait to start my course! but for now, I shall stop the non stop drinking (lol not quite :P ) and got to bed, cuz I havent slept a bloody wink since being here! night everyone, can't wait till friday...

Don't Cry

I don't know quite what to say.

But today, has been the hardest day ever.

A wave on the drive, ripped out my soul.

And I cried my eyes out so hard I had to stop driving for about ten minutes.

So I looked up at the starry sky, and smiled.  Now I have dried up my tears, that caused a monsoon for another world, but it is out there now, and I honestly couldn't help it.  Tears I have built up since they day I promised I wouldn't cry.

I am looking forward, not back.

I am looking up, not down.

My head is in the sky, and my feet are on the ground.

"So don't cry, wipe the tears from your eyes... and dream."

I say a prayer, I make a wish, I close my eyes, and I fall asleep.

Twenty Days Ago

"Only 20 day left now..."

"Yup..."

And now, it is tomorrow.

Oh, how I wish,

I could freeze the clock

Or have some time to borrow.

But, aye, avast

Go forward now

To spread our wings and fly

But I'll be back!

To play a statue

And watch as time goes by

Tis but three years

Till the day will come

That my dreams come true

Sit crossed legged 

In the orchestra

That will be conducted, by you.

Day Six: Sally's Pigeons

From the moment I got up, I started packing - my whole wardrobe (that now looks empty but very summery), my cupboards, photos, pots and pans, keyboards, microphones, stands, leads and cables, perfume, figurines, DVDs, and things that are a little bit more precious to me.

I then remixed Sally's Pigeons, and had a lovely evening recording it.  My mum loves the track and found it interesting, and I think she enjoyed it more than she thought she would, which is a good thing!

I then went home and went for a walk in the cool air, stars up above.  I say a prayer, and a few wishes, and in my thoughts those people are.

Parp.

Hmmmmmmm... I wonder why I'm so crap with words and meanings... getting things messed up all the time, saying things in wrong orders and saying things not as I mean them or want them to sound.  Stupid, stupid tongue and brain fart.

Blogs to look at:

Leigh: www.gwailoleigh.blogspot.com

Marina: www.blahosaurus.blogspot.com

Tori: www.totallyttime.blogspot.com

Helen: www.hells-bells-12.blogspot.com

Cecil:  www.littleredbellydancer.blogspot.com

Lyle: www.noxiousideas.blogspot.com

If you guys don't want your url on here, tell me and I'll take it off! :)

Day Five: School's Out

I fell asleep last night with music in my ears, sat at my desk, slobbering on top of my mac.  Time for bed I think.  I woke up this morning at about 5am, with huge bags under my eyes.  I thought for a little bit, then went back to sleep, woke up at 6:00, fell asleep again, missed my alarm, and woke up with the sun in my eyes at about half 9 ish.  I missed four calls from three different people, and had three texts waiting for me. 

I stumbled into the shower, probably the longest shower I've ever had.  I just couldn't be bothered to move.   Half an hour later and no hot water left, I stumbled back out again.  I wrote a blog, deleted a blog, wrote another one, and deleted that one too.  All attempts at day four.  I must remember to ask at Christmas.

I then went to school, for the last time in a long time.  I met up with Tori in the Church, where she found me playing the piano with my eyes closed.  I was so lost in the music, she gave me quite a fright.  We then went to the studio, where I played her the video of the video!  And then we headed off for english with year seven, where we were a panel, judging ideas. I enjoyed it, with good company, and laughs and giggles.

We then went back down to the studio, where I stupidly chickened out of an opportunity to conduct the orchestra, regretted it from the moment I walked out the door.  Tori and I enjoyed banoffie pie and a milk shake at Ransoms, then we parted ways.  I don't know what I've done with my glasses since then! (uh oh).  I then went back to school to pick up all my midi files and have a last hopeful look at the special place.  I gave Lydia a huge hug, and left for home.  I felt like my body was dragging me away with great difficulty, making my feet heavy so it was hard to climb the stairs...  I narrowly missed being gaffa taped to a chair, (which sucks.) damn the window pretending to be a mirror! 

I completed my ironing mountain! while watching Star Trek, then went to training, which was cancelled because I was the only one who turned up. fun times.  Instead I talked to Andy and Marcel about uni, life and roller coasters lol.

Mum and Dad are back now.  Mum liked her song, and they said yes to a very kind offer.  I gave Methini an iphone hug, and made a few wishes.

Packing tomorrow.

Day Four: Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon

I'm finding it increasingly hard to write about day four.  Probably because it was perfect.  So let's leave it at that.

Time. Goes. By...

.

I Believe, Do You? 

If you're head is like this, you can write a song...

My rhyme ain't good just yet,

My brain and tongue just met,

And they ain't friends, so far,

My words dont travel far,

They tangle in my hair,

And tend to go nowhere,

They grow right back inside,

Right past my brain and eyes

Into my stomach juice

Where they dont serve my juice,

All melted calories,

Nutrition values.

And I absorb back in

The words right through my skin

They sit there festering inside my bowels

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds

Got a soundtrack in my mind,

All the time. Kids-

Screamin' from too much beat up

And they don't even rhyme,

They just stand there, on a street corner,

Skin tucked in

And meat side out and shot,

And Id like to turn them down

But there ain't no knob.

Run into picket fences

Not into picket lines.

All this hippie-shit for the 60's

And another clich for our time. But,

But a one of these days your heart

Will just stop ticking,

And they sorta just don't find you till your cubicle is reeking.

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds

Ahh ah ah ah ahh ah ah ah

Did you know that the gravedigger's still

Gettin' stuck in the machine

Even tough it's a whole other daydream.

It's another town it's another world,

Where the kids are asleep, where the loans are paid

And the lawns are mowed.

Whad'ya think?

All the gravediggers were gone?

Just cause one song is done

Theres always another one,

Waiting right around the bend,

Till this one ends,

Then it begins

Quickly, then it starts all over again.

The weather report keeps on

Tossing and turning,

Predicting and warning,

And warning and warning of,

Possibly it could be news publications and,

Possibly it could be news TV stations. That

Very same morning right next to her coffee

She noticed some bleeding and heard hollow coughing and

National Geographic was being too graphic,

When all she had wanted to know was the traffic

The worlds got a nosebleed it said

And were flooding but we keep on cutting

The trees and the forests!

And we keep on paying those freaks on the TV,

Who claim they will save us but want to enslave us.

And sweating like demons they scream through our speakers

But we leave the sound on 'cause silence is harder.

And no ones the killer and no ones the martyr

The world that has made us can no longer contain us

And profits are silent then rotting away 'cause

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds.

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds.

Ah ah ah

My rhyme ain't good just yet,

My brain and tongue just met,

And they aint friends, so far,

My words don't travel far,

They tangle in my hair,

And tend to go nowhere,

They grow right back inside,

Right past my brain and eyes

Into my stomach juice

Where they don't serve my juice,

All melted calories,

Nutrition values.

And I absorb back in

The words right through my skin

They sit there festering inside my bowels

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds

Day Three: Saturday Night Fever

I've got numb hands and feet and nose... Freddie is slightly pissed.  Only slightly though, more drunk on excitement and laughs and good times, but right now, I'm just so chilled and I'm smiling that particular smile that only my friends know what it means. And I'm listening to a Jack Johnson CD that Thomas gave to me last night.

The day started off a bit crap, with everyone at work having a go at me, and saying goodbye to some of my co workers who I've come to love in such a short time, as it was my last shift today (until next summer!) 

I then went home, and started on a song that I'm doing as a present to my mum.  Just a cover, of her favourite song, Sally's Pigeons.  I really hope she likes it...  I've eaten so many brownies, I might just explode!  L.B and I then set out for the town, where I had the song that I just love "Have you ever..."  (not sure of the name of the song) Just the vocals, looping round and round and round.. never bored or tired.  It was a really nice night, Tori, Helen (who is definitely ginger), LB and Adam spouting a loud of shit all night as usual.  

Good moods and smiles, a hug for Tori to say good bye, and a slap and a punch for Helen :P

We got home in the taxi just now, and I looked up to the heavens and stopped and said... Wow.

The stars littered all over the sky, so bright, the half moon shining.  So a few wishes and a smile, and here I am listening to Jack and thinking of many people and things.  Good night world, Freddie loves you. x

Day Two: Banana Pancakes!

The day started off with some friendly faces, and the realisation of my inability to come up with something un cheesy but nice even though my head filled up with words... then the day took me on a drive practically round the island.  I had an hour to kill and so got lost in country side listening to good music.  I then arrived at Tori's house, and was attacked by her tiny dog who posesses no teeth but still has the ability to bite and bark and growl and chase some one off his soil.  Scary!!

So le moi and Tori set out for breakfast in St. Ouen's bay, eating banana pancakes, pretending like it's the week end..  outside a small van.  Boy were they good! :)

After that we then headed off to the big Checkers that I'd never been to in my life (how exciting! lol) and we bought the ingredients for yummy Brownies!!!   We then drove back to my house, parked the cars (three billion point turn for Tori, the funniest thing ever) and then headed off to school in my car (and make a pirate video) so that Tori could say hi to Mr. Tully, oh, and get gaffa taped to a chair in the studio, because she was silly enough to dare.  haha!  Demonstrations of studio badminton, synchro and fencing and some in jokes :) 

We then went back to mine and started off on our journey to make the brownies!  We videoed the whole thing, and watched it after and it was fricken hilarious... 

But they tuned out alright, and we set off for ice skating!   It was surreal that we were on an ice rink in the middle of Jersey.  how strange, most don't actually know it there!  At fiveish we parted ways, and I set off for my last film night in a while with Thomas and Big Dave.  We ate my brownies, and they were approved *woop!* and watched A Knight's Tale and Batman Returns.  It was such an awesome evening.  

Boy, am I gonna miss those two.

Day One: The Space Between

Today was another great day, not very productive on the composition side, but great none the less. I even got a lesson on how to conduct an orchestra, and my golly do I need to practice! Bloody hurts your arm! (wimp, I know)

I then went home to start on my mountainous pile of ironing, but instead got a phone call from Tori to go on an adventure. After deciding that Rozel was pretty much the half way point between our two houses, the great expedition started out! After Tori found me leaning on a sign post fast asleep, (as pictured!) 

we went to the hungry man for lunch, where we sat in the sun and ate hot dogs and a cream tea between us, chatting and laughing our gutts up (no change there) and scaring people off! I had well and truly woken up! We then went for a walk to White Rock, where we set out to reach the actual white rock, but got attacked by a swarm of wasps, Tori almost pushing me off the edge of the cliff and screaming all the way through the thorny bushes, we decided to sit and have a break and take stupid photos in the very windy weather. We then discussed things like how awesome would it be to pedalo all the way to france in one of those swan boat things that we could nick from Codak park. lol! We then headed back to the cars, taking pictures in a huge grassy field of us doing handstands and such likes! We then headed back into town and parted ways :)

Coming up: Day Two: Banana Pancakes... watch this space!

Bon Voyage to Marina and Cecil!  Good luck and Merry Christmas etc.  Marina you smell like piss.  Mucho amore! :)

Moons and Horror Shows

If Tomorrow Is Today 

And Today Is Yesterday

Then How The Hell 

Did We Get Here?

Today is a day when many fine things will come

Today is just a memory tomorrow

I know that there's some bad things to come

But I'll forget them all until tomorrow

The days are long and nights don't come at all

We eat and drink and then we fall asleep.

In bed I dream of moons and horror shows

And wake up fresh and new tomorrow.

Oh in bed I dream of moons and horror shows

And wake up fresh and new tomorrow.

I was driving along as you do, with my iPod on random.

And this song came on.

It's a Zutons song that I've had on there for over a year now.

But never before have I listened to it.

But today I did, I no doubt I will again tomorrow.

:)

60 Piece and BPM

So it's finished and sent!  Unfortunately, I don't get to know the results until December, but even if I come last, just knowing that my music will be heard by some of the greats of this time, is just amazing!  So my composition can Synchron(fuck)off for now and remind me of it when it's got me standing in front of a 60 piece orchestra conducting in L.A.  woop!

Mr Moustache Man!

What an awesome day!  Composing in the morning, mixing down and sending off my finished *I bloody well hope* competition piece along with it's film, having a huge idea in my head to which I can pretty much hear all the parts perfectly, listening to some fresh new talent and a lovely song, meeting Helen to say hi and bye to various teachers, then making my way to see Paul for a drink and a chat.  And as I write this, I'm coming up with ideas for Christmas presents for people... if I can get them by then that is!...

It's funny when they say that old friends will always be old friends.  I walk into his house and although there's so much that has changed, it was the same old jokes and moustache (!) and topics that we talked about etc.  What a lovely and great man.  Talking about swimming and such likes.  And talking about old, great and funny memories of trips and drawings I used to do for him, little notes he'd leave in my log book as jokes or retorts to something cheeky I said that day to him, oh, and how much flab my body holds now a days.  It's funny, he's got his office and on the wall are pictures of his family and cuttings from news papers to do with his old swimmers, and there in the corner stuck to the wall is a get well soon card I drew for him all those many years ago!  Chuffed that I earned a place on that wall.  It was a drawing of him from the back, with his bum cheeks hanging out his hospital gown, with the 

phrase "Hope your hospital stay was as brief as your gown!"  LOL.  

Tonight is Marina's leaving do.  I'm really looking forward to our walk and chat on the beach, with the stars over head, talking about everything and nothing.  The perfect way to say TTFN, ta ta for now, to my bestest buddy... and the perfect end to such a great day

Tu tu :)

With These Hands...

Ignoring the oh so poplar answer of genitalia, what would you say is your favourite part of your body?  Random you might think, but as I was sitting in my life guard chair yesterday, leaning on my hand, I was reverted back into my dining room, to a time when I was playing a particularly pretty tune on Ronald.  And so, have come to the conclusion, that my hands are indeed the best part of my body.  Hands are just so amazing it's quite unbelievable.  You can grab and pick up things, play and create music with your hands, have the gift of touch, you can lean on them, bite them, write with them, you can swear with them, paint with them, draw with then, ride bikes with them... you can even make the live long and prosper sign with them... the list goes on and on.  So today, I am incredibly greatful to have my wonderful, musical hands.

Write a blog in response if you have nothing better to do with your life, or if you have a quiet moment to appreciate your remarkable body.  :)

Cheer Up Charlie, It Aint That Bad!

Hormone soup had been digested and well and truly shat out... now there's a nice image for you all!

Here is a little song I wrote

You might want to sing it note for note 


Don't worry be happy 


In every life we have some trouble 


When you worry you make it double 


Don't worry, be happy... 



 

Ain't got no place to lay your head 


Somebody came and took your bed 


But don't worry, be happy 


The land lord say your rent is late 


He may have to litigate 


Don't worry, be happy 
(Look at me I am happy!) 


Don't worry, be happy 
(Here I give you my phone number 
When your worried call me 
I make you happy) 


Don't worry, be happy 


 

Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style 


Ain't got not girl to make you smile 


But don't worry be happy 


Cause when you worry your face will frown 


And that will bring everybody down 


So don't worry, be happy now... 



 

Don't worry don't do it, be happy 


Put a smile on your face

Don't bring everybody down like this 


Don't worry, it will soon past 


Whatever it may be 


 

Don't worry, be happy

CINEMARRRR!!! It's the Exppeeeeeeeerience that Cooonts!

Today, I'd thought I'd post a blog about my group of friends that are known as Team Marmite and how great they all are...

Claire has already departed for uni, no doubt having the time of her life already.  Alex is next followed shortly by Cecil and Marina.  The next lot will be me and Methini (on the same boat! which is awesome!) and Helen on the night boat on the same day.  Closely followed by Tori the very next day.  So within the next two weeks, team Marmite would have spread their wings and be doing what they've always wanted to do.  And we all seem to be doing subjects that we're all really passionate about, and what we all really suit.  Claire is off to do Children's Nursing, Marina and Cecil Psychology, Helen is doing History, Tori doing Conservation science, Alex is doing Archeology, and of course Methini is off to become a world class Doctor. Oh, and I'm doing Music and Composition. :)

It's strange that we're all going to be so far away from each other,

 but not far at all.  I mean Claire isn't even gonna be half an hour away from me, and I'm pretty sure that there's one of us in each corner of London, or there abouts.  It will be interesting to see if we do actually meet up at all, even just for a day.  And even though I know I shall miss them all, it will still be interesting to see if we all actually do make the effort to keep in touch, and still be friends.  Everyone I know who's gone to uni says that we'll say that we'll meet up, but in reality, that's it now.  

Sad.  I really hope that we all make the effort.  I don't even have to say that when it comes to Marina however.  It's just a poo that we really are in the opposite sides of the UK.  I'm in London, she's in Cardiff.  Fun times.  

We were on the phone to each other tonight, saying how we'll meet in the middle city between our two cities and go to the cinema every week like we normally do.  Or take a picture of Marina, and a clip of Helen's laugh, put them on the seats next to me and feel at home in the cinema, when all my new friends will be out drinking lol :)

I don't know what it is, but I really really really don't enjoy going clubbing.  Unless I'm getting really drunk lol.  I get teased for preferring to go to the cinema, and called boring and pathetic etc for doing so.  But yes, I would MUCH rather go to the cinema than sit in some crappy club listening to shitty music that's playing far too loud so that I have to shout down the ears of my friends or just sit there and pretend to smile.  (And what a waste of money.)  Probably a good thing, seeing as I want a career in film, rather than a career as a club DJ. (haha, could you see me doing that?!) 

But, I don't feel alone 

in that matter, as most of my friends are at the same thinking as me, especially Marina :)  A night to the cinema with my friends can sometimes be the best evening of the week.  We sit down, I nick Helen's food and water, we chat and laugh and comment on the adverts and how annoying the Orange adverts are.  Then we watch and I listen and we all comment and laugh on various bits of the film.  But we have decided that we are the best kind of people for the "cinema experience" (as the Scottish bloke would forcefully shout out the surround sound speakers), 

as we are not the kind of annoying people that chat loudly all the way through the film about nothing, but we are the ones who comment quietly only in various parts of the film when we have something to say, and we laugh incredibly loudly (especially Helen) and it's always cheery and a laugh.  Afterwards and before, we're always chatting loudly and having fun.  What better way to spend time with your friends, which is what 

going out is all about, surely?  So why should it matter if going out is to the cinema, or to a club?

It goes without saying that I'm going to miss my little snail like a stave without notes.  I will miss the talks, the laughs, the hysterics, the crying, the soul ripping out my chest as I blub on her shoulder, sitting in my car talking about the rain and nothing of any importance, listening to loud (and good) music, such as Real Time (what a great moment that was) or Danny Elfman in winter or POTC dressed as Pirates (that I'm now pissing myself AGAIN about)... urgh, just EVERYTHING><  !  I'm going to miss her Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!  I shall be going to Spain with her how ever next summer, so that's awesome :)

I can't even begin to tell you how much I'm going to miss Helen, and the personification of the hyperbolic love hate relationship.

How much I'm going to miss Cecil along with her baby voice and obscene but cool piercings and general laugh and fun to be around.  My golly, I'll even feel empty without her mood swings! (gotta laugh about that!).  My clucky Mother Hen Methini, I will miss so so so so much.  Just her ability to always be there and someone so kind and caring, and always a joy and laugh to talk to.  I will miss Buttons (Tori, to you) incredibly.  My god, she's such a laugh, and understanding and thoughtful and just the most fun fun fun to be around.  She's like a version of Tigger that you'll never get bored of, always hyper and happy and funny and lovely.  Claire bear - the scary one, I will miss so so much.  

I'll even miss her amazing ability to make me shed my skin in fright, and wait in anticipation for the day she comes crawling down my corridor shouting, "You Broke my legs, Caroline!" in a bizarre Tennessee accent.  And Alex, the coolness will never be the same again. I will miss her beyond coolness!  She makes me laugh so much, and always seems to put a smile on my face, even when she's talking in her slightly irate and forceful voice!  I love all my friends to pieces, and don't you bloody well forget it!  So don't forget me team Marmite!!!

With Love, from your crazy, nutts and bonkers friend, the walking musical note, the one that sings in her sleep, the one that pisses coolness, Le Freddie. xx

We're All Going On A Summer Holiday

I feel like I'm on holiday in a foreign place!  Today has seemed to be a day of sightseeing walking and eating.  My mum, dad, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle and me started the day off at Colleen's caf for break fast, then venturing for the cliff paths.  After that we decided to take the scenic route to Gorey for a twirly whirly ice cream, I saw places I swear I've never seen in my life... which was nice.  But when we got there, the van was not!  So we headed back up to St. Catherine's for an ice cream and a walk down the Pier.  

After that we decided to go to the front to have a go on the pedalo things.  Once we got there, they only had seats for twos or threes, no fours, so walking it was!  We went half way to St. Aubin's and back again, and I saw old Trobi 2 on the way, got talking and realised I had lost my family!  So I legged it down to find them doing bench dips on the fitness trail they've got down there now.  After that was a drink at The bar, a wave at Rosie who was life guarding outside and the trip back home.  After some time playing Ronald, we're now going to eat pizza and watch movies.  Fun times!  My mum and dad go away to Canada tomorrow morning so it's technically just one week left with them now, and I feel that these two weeks are going to go scarily fast!  I've got so much to look forward to in these last weeks too.  

Mistulation

After two showers, loads of soap and aloe vera, and about a tone of moisturiser, I'm still managing to smell strongly like a balloon!   It was such a cool day I cannot even describe!  Worth the smell of rotting bodies and french public toilets under my nose, worth the pain, sweat and tears.  I actually cant wait to see the finished product, to see how it's all been pieced together, and I really really want to see how the video's gonna end.  Everything is all resplendent and not even two months ago would that be the case, so thanks a billion times :)

Everyone had fun, and my friends who took part all said the same thing, and they cant wait to see it finished too.  One even said that it's a great leaving present before we all head off to university - immortalised in film and music :)

Ding Dong Freddie's Getting High!

(To be sung to the tune of Ding Dong Merrily on High)

My golly!  It feels like Christmas in my house!

My whole family from my mum's side (that's quite a lot of people) are all coming up for dinner tonight!  Even some French family are coming!  We're going to be eating in the dining room, with all the posh crockery and everything.  We've even got the Christmas crackers out!! *shakes head*  Five course meal... Starter, soup, lovely roast, cheese and a selection of puddings.. mmmm yummy...

The meal how ever is happening right next to Ronald, with my little cousin with sticky fingers going to be sitting right next to him...  dooms day for Luc if he dare touches my precious Ronald!! lol!

You Were Always On My Mind Take 2

This is the Blog I was supposed to post last night!  I was saying that this is a song that I heard last night and made me smile big time.  It's also a song I've actually had going round and round my head for quite some time for some reason!  So hear you go, le lyrics :)

Maybe I didnt treat you quite as good as I should
Maybe I didnt love you quite as often as I could
Little things I shouldve said and done, I never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didnt hold you all those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you, Im so happy that youre mine
If I made you feel second best, Im so sorry, I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied
Satisfied
Little things I shouldve said and done, I never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didnt treat you quite as good as I should
Maybe I didnt love you quite as often as I could
Maybe I didnt hold you all those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you, Im so happy that youre mine

You Were Always On My Mind

Damn these stupid blogs not doing what I want them to do! 

*sigh*  I'll find a way I'm sure lol  but not tonight, bed time.

I Can Cancan, Can You?

Again, I have been stumbling upon songs that come up on my itunes randomly, and today, it was The Show Must Go On, version from Moulin Rouge, sung by one of my favourite actors, a song by my favourite band.  This song combines so many different feelings it's quite over whelming.  The perfect example of how the greatest songs written are autobiographical. 
 Moulin Rouge is one of my favourite films, and now I think I know why.  It combines perfect ideas of how versatile music can be with contemporary art and old fashioned beauty along with the most perfect but tragic love story.  The music intertwines the beauty of orchestral movements and sounds, traditional choirs and scores with powerful and different voices in modern and popular music, mashing so many different songs together with an orchestral twist that it makes the songs even more perfect and powerful.  Children of the Revolution and The Hills Are Alive.  If you listen to the end of songs such as The Show Must Go On in Moulin Rouge, it provides the perfect example of what I'm talking about.  It's so clever and the take on the song is just perfect, filling it with all the emotion needed to twist it into the story line of the film, with all the power, beauty and freedom it's bound to provide. 

.

BOOM DE AH DA!!!!

BOOM! went the buttock.

Contented about Contemplating Contemplation , happily smug in other words!  What a great day, I was in such a great mood after leaving the world of composition and smiles that from then on I managed to shock a Polish guy by kissing him (on the cheek) for no apparent reason, winking and running off giggling, legg it to the beach, in my life guard uniform, to see all my friends, arriving by shouting loudly and dancing and singing towards them all, jump in the sea, sing yo ho yo ho at the top of my voice, jump off a very high wall and swear loudly at Helen (as shown in picture) LOL!  That was among many other crazy things!  I even left my phone behind! (shock horror shouts Marina!)  I never ever leave my phone behind!!!!!  I'm still so hyper now my cheek bones have risen into my eyes. (with the surprised eye brows hehe).  

The box labeled "MIRACLE" has the lid placed on and is safely stored away on my shelves next to a steel and bolted box named "Fuck off, got it!", an open box named "Infinite World of Imagination.", oh, and a can of Whoopass.   :-)

My name is...

Toz, Sugar Plum (fairy), Sugar, Sugar lump, Lumpy, One or Two?, Spik, Vic, Fred, Freddie, Victoria...  I've had so many nick names over these past 18 years, its a struggle to remember my own name some times.  People have started calling me by my old nick names and it's slightly confusing yet gives me a smile.  Freddie is the one that pretty much every body calls me now.  But it's funny that it seems to be the people that care most about me that call me Victoria for the majority of the time, although Freddie still somehow seems to be the name they use.  It's funny when someone shouts "FREDDIE!!" at the top of their voice in town, it's usually me and a loada blokes that turn round. lol.  

I love my names.  Part of me has totally morphed into a Freddie, the part of me that is nutts and crazy, and wants to perform, the part that loves bright lights and screams of crowds, the part of me that some how makes my friends laugh their butts off.  Probably the part of me that I enjoy living the most. I will always be a Sugar Plum Fairy to my coach, Paul and to Loz, I shall always be Toz.  But I will always be a Victoria, for after all, it means Victory.  Just a shame Rebours means the wrong way.  But there'd be something wrong if it was any other way :-)

Off to beddy byes now, very suddenly tired for some strange reason!  Night all, sleep well and dream away on fluffy clouds now...

Cloud 9

My iTunes is on random, and a song has just come on. A song, that made me stop what I was doing, close my eyes and smile. A song that just made me stop and slow down, all that was clear was my breathing, relaxed, and focusing on what I can very clearly see and hear and smell. It's a song that used to take me to an air port. But now it takes me to a very vivid memory. One where I was laid across three swiveling chairs, with comfy head phones on, listening to this song, wrapped up in a coat and fast asleep. One, where it was the first time I had an actual hour of uninterrupted sleep in years. One where in that moment, I was in an airport. I can see myself clearly, and the room even clearer. It's brightly coloured and the smells and sights are razor sharp, clear as day, as if I were in there right now. And this moment, I hold in my heart forever. When ever I listen to this song, this is the room it now takes me to. And that, shall always be my little space of heaven in my head. So if things ever get a little tough, I can plug my iPod in my ears, and no matter where I am, I can go to that room and smile for another day.

Occam's Razor...

I've spent the after noon practically glued to my mac, apart from the times when I was watching a film with my mum, and cleaning my car. (lol).  

It's a song that I think I've had locked up inside me for a very long time, for it's a topic that I've tried writing in songs before, but have been left feeling angry or helpless, which, strangely is not the case today.  It's not the topic some of you might think it is, for I am over that and have written many songs about coming out of it all and things like that.  So no, it's not about that part of my past (so no need to worry, I promise).

I just need to put the vocals in now, and that might be all that needs doing to it.  I'm not sure if I'm ever going to let any one hear it...  maybe just two or three.  The old and the now.  I think I wrote the lyrics more for myself, just letting go of it all through music, through this song.  And I think that it's high time I let go.  A meeting about a week ago proved that to me, and after all, it's three years on.